I saw this article on Netmums earlier and it's inspired me to write a different blog post to normal.
The above article relates to a mother who adpoted her child and was being criticised for not being a 'real mother.'
I'd like to take the 'giving birth doesn't always make you a parent' from a different angle.
I'm going to be brutally honest and say that when I had my 1st child, I found it incredibly difficult from the word go. I suffered from the 'baby blues' and every day just wanted to run away. This didn't last long thankfully but I found the whole motherhood thing a huge adjustment.
I've seen articles criticising c-sections basically making them look like the easy option. They're most definitely not an easy option.
My first child was born by emergency c-section. They whisk you into theatre at a rate of knots, you're barely aware of the risks but you've scrawled your signature on the form anyway. As I'm sure in a lot of cases, because they didn't know it would necessarily end this way, they've let you have something to eat at some point. So after going through rushed major abdominal surgery, I was of course very sick. Therefore I couldn't hold my daughter immediately let alone attempt to feed her. As a result I'm convinced this is why the baby blues set in.
My 2nd child was born by elective c-section. A totally different experience. You get to meet the anaesthetist, surgeon and midwives who will be with you in theatre. All the staff seem more relaxed. Everything's done in good time. You're fully aware of the risks and because you're going for major abdominal surgery you've not been allowed to eat anything for hours.
I held my son straight away. And honestly, to this day (nearly 5 years later) I still maintain that my relationship with him is totally different to my relationship with my daughter. It doesn't mean I don't love her, of course I do, it just means my start to my motherhood journey was a bit shaky and this can have lasting affects.
Having a child, in WHATEVER way, DOES make you a parent. Motherhood is a major adjustment to your life, some of us don't take to it as easily as others.
A couple of my friends with young babies recently referred to me as a 'pro!' And although I see it as a compliment, I'd like to tell them that when their kids are nearly 8 and 5, both in school, and they're stood there holding someone else's baby, you too will feel like a pro because you've been able to sleep slightly better and drink a latte that morning in peace!!
Much love to all mothers, we're all doing great. xx💜