Christmas 'Tails'

So to say my 8-year-old wasn't very amused to be cast as the back end of a cow for her school Christmas play is an understatement!  I wasn't too amused either!  She literally did get the 'tails' end of the deal instead of 'heads!!'

However I've got to say that 'Tail' did brilliantly well!  Turns out that the back and front ends of the cow (Tail and Moo!) were separate characters who spend the whole play running around looking for each other, why?...................................  Because the wicked witch has cut the cow in half of course!

They played it brilliantly and the whole of the year group did exceptionally well.  And of course, if my daughter's going to be the back end of a cow then she WILL have a tinsel tail!!

Of course I must also say well done to my 5-year-old and his year group for their nativity last week.  It's been a very 'farm animal' sort of year with Christmas plays as my son was a sheep!

I hope everyone's kiddies involved in a festive play have done fabulous performances.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to you all. Xx 🎄

The joys of 'adult' conversations!

It really is exciting being a grown up isn't it!!

Here are some insights into conversations I've actually had recently -

Yesterday I grated my thumb with the cheese grater!  I was then advised that holding a piece of bread on top of the cheese when grating, stops you from grating your fingers when the cheese runs out!

Morning!  The news says Megan (the Duchess of Sussex) is expecting, and by the way have you fed the fish! 

Discussions with my friends surrounding how best to fold bed sheets and duvets for easy storage!  (We used to talk about nail varnish and shoes - I think - seems like a lifetime ago!)

Conversations with my mum over the best loo cleaner! (Bloo or Harpic?? What do we all think?!!) 

Can you bring a cabbage home please! 

And of course not forgetting the endless discussions with an 8 year old (for those who see my Facebook page you'll know the '8 year old wisdoms'  -  'Juveniles' and 'The Beth!') 

Finally I'll end with some memorable conversations had with my 5 year old - 

Why are your trousers on backwards?
How long have you been running around with your trousers on backwards?
Don't throw your pants down the stairs! 

Have a lovely day everyone! Xx

Strictly madness

Saturday evenings, end of the school week, antibiotics and 'Strictly' seem to have had a very strange effect on my children!

The other week when they had 'movie week' and the first performance was to a song from 'Mamma Mia' - the set looked like Mamma Mia, the dancers were dressed to reflect Mamma Mia, both Tess and the announcer said they were dancing to a song from Mamma Mia, and the song was obviously an Abba song from Mamma Mia - right at the start, 3 seconds in, 8-year-old asks 'is this a song from Mamma Mia!'

Then further in the show, when someone was obviously dressed as Spider Man, can you guess what 5-year-old asked!!

This madness was followed by 5-year-old starting to sing some George Ezra lyrics, from 'Paradise.'  Only to start with, until we realised what he was trying to say, it really sounded like he was swearing!  '................your bloody things, your bloody things' over and over again!  To anyone whose not caught on it's - 'if it feels like paradise running through you bloody VEINS!' 

He followed on his 5 minutes of madness by gluing his current 'masterpiece' to the wall! Yes gluing!  Luckily I caught him and the wall paper survived!

Originally I wasn't sure how to end this post, and then as if by magic, 5-year-old announces he's allergic to cockatoo's!  And there we have it! 😂😂


Have a lovely evening everyone! Xx

Zog, Maya and Mary

So you may have noticed I haven't been on this planet for a while!  Truth is, I took a trip to another planet, 'Planet Zog!' 

Since the end of August someone in our house has been coughing continuously!  My 5-year-old started it before even going back to school in September, then my daughter followed suite as per my previous post 'Planet Zog'  And finally they lovingly shared their germs with Mummy and Daddy! 

It's been horrendous, feeling like I have the flu every other day, not wanting wine!  And the hacking cough that won't let up that finally saw me and my 8-year-old go arm in arm to the doctor for antibiotics.

Anyway, although I feel like I've lost a month somewhere, and have been just 'getting by' instead of living, my daughter has created, and put her all into, 2 school projects (whilst coughing!)

She asked me to include them in my blog so here we go:

#1  Mayan art.

The Maya produced some of the finest art from Mexico and Central America.  Some of the Maya's most striking pieces of art were portraits of themselves. This however, is not a portrait of my 8-year-old!  But she's very proud of it and she put so much effort into it, all her own work, year 4 obviously agrees with her!

#2  Mary Seacole

Mary Seacole was famous for healing and care of the wounded in the Crimean War.  She was also well known for wearing bright colours and ribbons so my daughter has incorporated this in her design of her article about Mary Seacole.

So this is my blog about Zog, Maya and Mary.  Have a good Sunday evening all, I will be hitting the antibiotics again later and dreaming about the wine!
Xx

Planet Zog

There's a place my children go, when they're woken from a deep sleep, but not completely awake, or poorly and high on Calpol!  I call it 'Planet Zog!'

My daughter visited Planet Zog recently when poorly.

The first clue she gave me of her whereabouts was after getting home from school feeling terrible, she had fallen asleep on her bed fully clothed.  I had gone up and changed her into her pyjamas which she appeared to wake up for, but later proved not.  She slept for 2 hours during the evening and upon waking up asked:

Has my brother been to bed?

Little brother then asked something about dinner, I replied 'yes I'm doing it now,' to which daughter says 'but dinner's later.'  I have to explain that dinner hasn't happened yet, it's 6.30 and it's still Tuesday!

Questions that followed were:

Why am I in my pyjamas?
Are you sure it's Tuesday?  It was a bit like talking to a drunk person!
and most importantly, have I missed the Bake Off!

So after a sleepless night with a hacking cough, temperature etc, she is off school for a couple of days and the following night she falls asleep (at the right time of night this time) but unbeknown to me she has put a fleece poncho on before falling asleep, using it like a dressing gown I guess.  I don't like them falling asleep with something that could potentially be tight around their necks, so I half wake her up to take it off her.  Again I'm fooled into thinking she is actually awake as she starts talking to me, but I soon realise she is again on 'Zog' as she starts bashing her head and talking gibberish!

And on the final night of her mini break to 'Zog' she wakes during the night and stumbles around.  I get out of bed to check on her and find her sitting on the floor in the doorway of her brother's room.  I ask if she needs the loo to which she nods 'yes.'   I guide her into the bathroom to which she starts doing all the right things, then turns round catches sight of me in the doorway and says 'I'M GOING TO THE TOILET' and slams the door in my face!

So I'm stood there waiting for her, not sure whether to laugh or not!  She finishes her business and opens the door and greets me with 'OH WHAT ARE YOU DOING THERE!'  And stomps back to bed!

The next morning we seem to return to normal.

'Til next time 'Zog!'

xx

Lemons

,

They say when life gives you lemons, make lemonade.  Or in my 8-year-old's case this morning, warm lemon squash (because we didn't have any lemons and she is off school with a bad cough and generally feeling meh).

I find life throws lemons at you all the time to be honest, a lot of the time it's how you deal with it that deciphers whether you consider it a crisis or not.

Truth is, I have been a bit lost on the blogging front.  To continue blogging, or not?  To take my website down, or not?  The summer holidays were so busy and towards the end I didn't have time to write anything even though the little darlings were providing hourly inspiration!  So having had a couple of weeks off, I feel a bit like I need to decide the way forward.............................

My 'lemons' this week are -  lunch with my Mum yesterday getting disturbed by the school sending 8-year-old home sick.  This morning it's raining and the traffic was horrendous taking 5-year-old to school, and I'm sitting here beside 8-year-old who is watching Harry Potter, and trying to write a meaningful post!

So, my decision is - I will continue with the blog when the inspiration strikes, and uploading a new instalment to my Channillo series every fortnight (after all I want enough material for a sequel to the book for next year!)  However, my decision is to withdraw my website for the time being as it costs to keep it and really I'm not happy with it's design, and to be honest it's just the same information you can get from my blog.  

Don't forget to check out my book which is still available on Amazon, and if you're reading this you've probably already seen my new look blog. 

Much love everybody xx

Rexy

So after taking slightly longer than planned off from blogging, the kids are now back at school.

I found the whole holiday a lot easier this year, I think I was ready for all the fighting over toys.  Braced myself in advance!  However, it's never what you expect is it?!  There was hardly any arguing over toys, instead the 'new 5-year-old' took to moaning about just about everything!  Took him to Build a Bear over the long weekend, as an extra birthday treat, even this resulted in endless complaints because the dinosaur he built couldn't have the outfits on sale!  (His sister has a rabbit that she has outfits for).  Correct me if I'm wrong but how many dinosaurs have you seen wearing t-shirts and skirts!  Anyway, meet 'Rexy!'

I actually think Rexy is quite sweet being carried along in the back pack!

We haven't stopped this summer.  I decided to end the holiday, by investing in 2 new 'easy build ' (yeah right!) clip together wardrobes for the kids rooms.  Literally they are 10 or 12 cube shapes that you clip all the sides together with these stupid plastic clip things, fine once they're up but as you build higher, and the lower ones start 'pinging' out as your trying to fasten the top ones, stress levels increase!  My son's one actually fell on me at one point, I was somewhere under a pile of clothes and plastic panels!

So I hope the kids had a good break, fun packed, they'll probably be glad of school for a sit down!

Happy New School Year everyone! xx

5 is the new 4

So my 4-year-old is 5 tomorrow!

He's already had a little party with some friends, 2 1/2 hours of little boys (& a couple of girls) charging round our house!

But they enjoyed themselves and I enjoyed the compulsory glass of wine that every parent needs following a kids party!

So as I did with my blog post after my daughters birthday, here's the baby versus the almost 5-year-old pics!

Pictured above with his big sister as it's one of the only decent and recent pictures I have of him!

I can't believe where the time has gone to be honest, or that he has finished 1 year of school, about to start the next and just as he reaches 5, some of his friends will start turning 6!

So happy end of the summer holidays to you all.  In 13 days they return to school and we can all start cursing the alarm clock again!!

xx 

Insanity and Instagram

So here we are, half way through the school holidays and are we all surviving?!! How are are you all doing?

From this end it's been an continuous stream of insanity and Instagram! Thanks to the gorgeous summer weather this year my Instagram feed is full of pictures of sunny days at the beach, playing in the fountain, ice creams etc.

Of course I can't miss out the insanity that is 2 children on school holiday for 6 weeks!  Walking round town with 2 kids, high on sugar from a sneaky McDonalds doughnut, and both waving McDonalds balloons bashing every passer by was one of the 'highlights!'

Getting a new laptop was also one of my personal highlights!  With a screen big enough that I can actually see it!  Decided at 6.30 am the other day (who knows why, I was wide awake and the sun was streaming in) to get it set up.  As it switched on, a voice started talking which I was convinced was my 4-year-old, I thought he'd heard me and got up, but it was actually the laptop talking to me!!  Decided to get caffeine at that point!

Also, to make this holiday top notch, those of you on Twitter may have seen that we have a new fridge freezer, oh I am so in love!  Being nearly 40 means that a new fridge freezer that matches the colour of the other appliances in the kitchen and is automatic defrost is the absolute height of happiness!

So that's my insanities and Instagram story.  I do hope everyone else's insanity levels are not rising too high!

xx

University Challenge

A few days ago, University Challenge comes on TV, 8-year-old is still up so we deicide to see what she thinks of the questions.

Well it's safe to say she wouldn't have won the show!  Sitting there shouting out one word answers such as 'FISH' to a question concerning Saturn and 'GOAT' to a question surrounding a painting I'm not sure it was her most intelligent half hour!

The 2 days ago, get in from work to an endless string of questions such as

'What's in that bag?'
'Are you going for a shower?'
'Where's my brother, I hope he's not in my room.'
'How many baking trays to you have?'
'How many shelves are there in the oven?'
'How do you play squash?'

I find that last one a bit testing and completely irrelevant to the previous questioning!

I don't know about University Challenge bit I'm finding her universally challenging!!

Happy days
Xx

Day 12 - Summer 2018

Over 1 week down, just under 5 to go!!

Never a dull moment!

The temperature has dropped (for 5 minutes anyway!) for which we are all grateful I think!

The last week has seen my 4-year-old attempting to take off with both hands full of feathers he had collected in the park!

My 8-year-old wetting herself for the 1st time in years, and having to get her an emergency pair of leggings in Primark as result. Sometimes life throws you circumstances you never expected and standing in the stairwell of Primark whilst my daughter attempted to change her leggings, under her coat so that nobody saw, is not how I had thought my Sunday would go!!

It's seen the final episode of Poldark to which I am inconsolable and still haunted by what I can oy describe as a 'Heathcliff and Cathy' moment!

So here's to another week of insaneness and unexpected whatevers! Xx

Day 5 - Summer 2018

So here we are at day 5 of the school summer holidays and there's more than enough material for 20 blog posts already!

However, this year (so far) I do feel ready for the school break. This feeling may not last long!  May be it's because they're slightly older now I don't know, but I do know they'll spend the first 2 weeks fighting over every toy, crayon, ice pop, DVD etc, then they'll settle down once they get used to spending every day in each other's company!

Then there's the daily 8-year-old wisdom! This first week has seen her start writing a note to her new class teachers for September, addressing it
'Dear Mr J and Mrs Hag!!'
Obviously the teachers name is not 'Hag' she had misspelt the surname, but it made me chuckle!!  As well as reply to her with
'You can't refer to your teacher as a hag on day 1!!'

I hope everyone has had an entertaining start to the school holiday too! Xx

The blog turns 1!

So a year ago today I published my blog publicly. I've managed to keep this charade up for 1 whole year!

Thank you to my 460 followers (between Facebook and Twitter), my readers and sharers etc for the 4721 blog views in the last year! I appreciate every one of you. Keep up the good work!

Obviously I couldn't write this sort of post without advertising my book on Amazon! So here's the link!


https://www.amazon.co.uk/Maternal-Instincts-Laugh-Might-Diary/dp/1521942366/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1530644005&sr=8-1&pi=AC_SX236_SY340_FMwebp_QL65&keywords=maternal+instincts+by+caroline+richardson&dpPl=1&dpID=41BMzxHP93L&ref=plSrch

As the advert above says, for the next week the paperback will be only £4.  And for my USA readers, the kindle edition drops to only $1.99 tomorrow (18th July) for 1 week only.

What does this all mean to me? Well, it's not about making money, or bigging myself up. It's something, that at the end of the day I can say is all mine, and yes I am already planning the sequel!

Happy reading everyone and thanks again. Xx

My world cup

Oh the joys of watching England's world cup semi final with an inquisitive 8-year-old!

1.
Aim - to sit still on the sofa.                     Achievement level = Zero!

2.
Aim - to sit quietly for a while.                Achievement level = Zero!

3.
Aim - to not block the view of the TV.    Achievement level = Zero!

4.
Level of intelligent conversation = well if you've read my Facebook post from last night regarding the 'tinned Phil' then say no more!

5.
My level of tolerance for Little Miss Inquisitives questioning  = Zero!  Tolerance level finally reached zero with the question 'Mummy, what are buttocks!'

Anyway, England you did us proud and in 4 years time, when 8-year-old is 12, and nearly 5-year-old is nearly 9 and I'm at an age where if Little Miss 8-year-old carries on, I won't make it to, I'm sure you'll bring the trophy home!

xx

Building bears

Some people walk into the office and have a meaningful conversation about their weekend and what they want to achieve in life.  I get asked 'so, how was Build a Bear!'  How exciting is my life eh!!

As it happens, the Build a Bear trip for 8-year-old's birthday actually went very well and she, along with her school friend, both chose bears that were in the sale - bargain - happy Mummy!

They both also enjoyed a Pizza Hut lunch and being 'girls about town' with their kiddie hot chocolates in takeaway Costa cups!

And Mummy's decided that the day out is the way to go instead of a big childs party for slightly older children's birthdays.

So I think we are 'building bears' in many ways at the moment, slowly adding all the components, making memories and finding the perfect fit, not just for a bear, but for a good life balance.

*This post wasn't meant to be that meaningful when I started writing it!!*

Xx

Bobby the Bumblebee

Oh dear God help me!

This is the phrase that goes through every parent's mind when they see their child charging towards them from the school gate, clutching (whilst grinning from ear to ear) the class mascot!

The endless photo taking all weekend, filling in the diary and how to outdo what the family the weekend before wrote! And for God's sake don't lose the flipping bee!

So, this is the truth, it's what I would have loved to write in the diary!  (From the bee's perspective of course!)

On Friday night I was chucked on the sofa and ignored for hours. I witnessed strops over dinner, colouring pens and pyjamas!

At bed time another strop ensued because apparently 4-year-old wasn't tired. After being bribed to go to bed, he eventually comes back downstairs and remembers me!  I sit quietly and listen to 4-year-olds favourite bed time stories. I dont think his mummy was as impressed as me at the book choices as she's read these stories every night for weeks!

The next day I'm barely thought of, and spend the day in Mummy's handbag, with the exception of the odd photo shoot!

On the final day, again it's Mummy's handbag for the day with considerably less photo taking as by now, not only 4-year-old, but Mummy and Daddy too, are fed up with this game!

Finally on Monday morning I am shoved back in my own bag, and handed back to the class teacher, where I am instantly forgotten by this child!  I can't wait for Friday afternoon, when I get to do it all again with another 4-year-old!

Oh Happy days!

xx

The new 8-year-old

So 7-year-old is now 8-year-old.

How did this happen! How did the young baby who was once photographed licking my parent's patio doors turn into an 8-year-old in the blink of an eye!  (As a note, she no longer licks patio doors!)

Honestly, you have a baby (babies) and you drag yourself through the baby stage of sleepless nights, 3 hourly feedings, 5 minutely nappy changes.  Into watching them learn to crawl, walk, talk. Start nursery and school. Then the next minute they're 8, about to finish year 3 of school, and sometimes I don't always feel there's much I can teach her.

She corrects me on grammar and times tables. If writing something she'll twist sentences around to make them sound better (and I'm the one that apparently wrote my own book!!)

Each phase of parenting passes in a flash. You'll always think the stage you're at now is the hardest. Time and circumstances move on and each day you wonder why you worried about all the stuff that's gone, and each day presents you with new challenges you never dreamt of!

I look at my friends with older children and think 'oh God how will I cope with that in the future!'  Then I look at my friends with younger children and am partly glad I've gone past the baby stage, whilst also enjoying holding a light weight 'lap sized' child for 5 minutes!

So here we go, the year of the 8-year-old has begun!

Xxx8xxx

A week in the life of.......

Well what can I say? This week, for clarification that is within the next 7 days, there is

2x sports days
1x school trip
2.5 extra work hours on a different day to normal
1x day trip out (not for me)
1x hair cut
X1 afternoon at my parents' house
1x collection of a few cup cakes
1x 7-year-old turning into an 8-year-old

And my book (both paperback and kindle edition) being reduced in price for 1 week!  Got to get the advertising in wherever possible! Have a look now at

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Maternal-Instincts-Laugh-Might-Diary/dp/1521942366/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1529347668&sr=8-1&pi=AC_SX236_SY340_FMwebp_QL65&keywords=maternal+instincts+by+caroline+richardson&dpPl=1&dpID=41BMzxHP93L&ref=plSrch

Anyway, it's just one week but let's see how much we can cram in!  I prescribe caffeine and/or wine!

Good luck everyone!! 😀

Being Me

They say before you judge anyone you should imagine walking in their shoes, because everyone's fighting a battle you know nothing about.

If you've ever heard of, or wondered what skin atrophy looks like, this is it.

This is my left arm last week.

Skin atrophy is the thining of the skin due to prolonged use of hydrocortisone or steroid creams.

It means I only have to breathe in the direction of a door or wall or something I may possibly knock into, and I have a bruise.

It means I invested in a cold shoulder top just to try and hide a couple of bruises.

It means I tan easily, which may sound an advantage, but I'd probably tan in December if I wore short sleeves and the sun made a brief appearance!

The cure, not much really. Yes I don't use the hydrocortisone as much now, but if I want my skin to look normal, even if only for 5 minutes before I breathe in the direction of a door handle! Then some use of it is necessary.

So I will be wearing my short sleeved and sleeveless tops this summer and I will have marks on my arms that make me look like I've been beaten up!  But please know, that my skin is actually better than it's ever been these days. That's partly hydrocortisone, partly circumstances.

Much love xx

Normality

Well hello all, I've survived half term and had a lovely little family break away!

Normality resumed on Monday with a thump as usual!  Was lovely to come back to the hot weather over the weekend though.

However, although I refer to it as normality, how many 'normal' weeks include going to the pub on a Wednesday lunch time?! May be don't answer that! Well it is my Dad's birthday!

Also how many 'normal' weeks include consoling your 7-year-old because she 'caught her bottom on the step in the garden!' Don't ask! I don't know how either!  She's now having hysterics, whilst laying in the feotal position on the kitchen floor, so apparently not a complete disaster after all!

Well I think I'll have a little drink tonight after surviving the first half of this apparently 'normal' week!

Xx

Useful tips

Some useful tips you never knew you needed!

Non Stick Oven Tray
Silicone non stick oven tray, you put it on a normal oven tray and literally ANYTHING you cook does NOT stick!  It's honestly one of the best things I've even bought!

Fabric Softener Alternative 
Fill a normal sized water bottle (any bottle) with water and a shot sized amount of white vinegar and 2 tea spoons of bi carb, shake to mix together.  Use instead of fabric softener.  It works just as well on your clothes, they still smell fresh (not of fish and chips don't worry!) and it helps keep the pipes and detergent draw of the washing machine clean and not clogged up.

Measuring Cup
A cooks measuring cup.  Has every conceivable measurement in it (g, lb, oz, American 'cups,' ml, pints etc).  Used it so many times and always works out fine.

Polishing Silver Jewellery
Toothpaste!! Honestly it really works! Put toothpaste on a cloth and polish your silver jewellery.

And finally, it's got to be said on my last blog before the May half term, so won't publish one next week, always laugh or you might cry and alwas trust your maternal instincts! Xx

Happy half term everyone! Xx

Romans

Get home from work on Friday evening to be met by 7-year-old year old asking 'Mummy have you got any men?!!'

She was referring to if I had got any pictures of romans that she could copy for a school project! Funnily enough not something that was on my to do list at work!

I'm then greeted by 4-year-old who is hoola hooping in the garden (swinging hoola hoop around his neck!) whilst modelling school shorts that are slightly too long, socks and sandals!

7-year-old then welcomes Daddy home by informing him 'Daddy, Mummy's got some men!!'

And finally (as some of my Facebook followers will remember from Friday) 4-year-old threw a bouncy ball straight into my wine! Although I applaud his good shot, I also have to tell him off and hide the silent hysterics!

Have a lovely day everyone xx

Maternal Instincts website

I'd like to share with all my readers that I now have a website -

www.maternalinstincts2017.simplesite.com

Give it a look, and as requested on the 'around the world' page, if you fancy it, leave me a comment on the webpage or a message on one of my social media pages as to where in the world you are, also any pics you may have of my book 'on tour!'.  I'd love to find out how far my readers are spread (ing!)

Also, don't forget, my book is now available on Amazon in paperback and on Tuesday 15th May 2018, the kindle edition will be released.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Maternal-Instincts-Laugh-Might-Diary/dp/1521942366/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1526227473&sr=8-1&keywords=maternal+instincts+the+laugh

Much love to all xx

Book Wise

To my work colleague, you actually gave me some inspiration for a little bit more advertising the other day when you told me to blog about book wise!

Only I'm not blogging about the meeting room booking system at work, more about actually being 'book wise!'

So, I've recently added my paperback to Amazon.com (USA) and Amazon.fr as well as a few others.  This move paid off almost immediately when friends in France and New York ordered their copies and then shared my Facebook post all around their friends who are in various countries!

To everyone who sees my blog/Facebook/Instagram posts, or has bought the book already, or generally just knows me, feel free to share the information around, copy links etc.  Let's get the word out!

Here's a snippet from one of the pages in the book to hopefully get some more blog readers interested!

..........smaller child announcing 'mummy I've drawn a picture of a poo!'  7 year old then joins in with some actual conversation along the lines of 'mummy we've been learning about excretion today!'  Having visions of 3 year old going into nursery tomorrow (for his last morning before leaving to start school in September) and shouting all about excretion at the top of his voice!

So, although none of us can answer why my colleague was having difficulty cancelling a meeting room, hopefully I may have helped drum up some more readers and sales!

And I'd also like to add a note that I cannot bring myself to blog about the subject that was being discussed in the office on Friday afternoon and I refer you to the above!  I'll leave all your minds boggling!   😉

Much love xx

My book is now available to buy!

I'm afraid I haven't had a chance to write a proper blog post this week due to trying to get my book publication finished on Amazon.

So here's the link in case anyone would like to purchase.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1521942366/ref=mp_s_a_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1525011463&sr=8-2&pi=AC_SX236_SY340_FMwebp_QL65&keywords=maternal+instincts+the+laugh&dpPl=1&dpID=41BMzxHP93L&ref=plSrch

The paperback is available NOW and the kindle edition will follow on 15th May (can be pre ordered now).

You can also follow me on Facebook
https://www.facebook.com/Maternal-Instincts-141859883060167/

And Twitter
@Carolin01865385

Thank you to everyone for their support.
Xx

The Spring Onion

So having had a really nasty bout of the flu last week, missing the start of the spring sunshine to stay shut in the dark and the only thing I actually wanted to consume was ibuprofen, at the end of the week when I started to feel better I was really glad of a good laugh at my son's expense!

I found hitting the medication 1 hour prior to the school run gave me just enough life to survive it! But talking or even looking at anyone else was a no no!  I would like to apologise to any of my mummy friends if i ignored you last week!

Anyway, back to the actual point of this post, the spring onion!

4-year-old looks generally grubby and covered in paint or pen when he gets home from school, and this particular day the little gremlin was sitting beside me and  I did wonder why I could smell what I thought was cheese and onion crisps!

A little later, after allowing him outside for 30 seconds, in the incredibly bright oh my eyes! My eyes! sunshine, to water his little pot of primroses, he returns back inside, tells daddy all about the watering and then produces a spring onion out of his trouser pocket! Says he had forgotten it was in there! So now I know why I could smell onion, and I ask him how long it has actually been in there? 'Only today Mummy, I found it on the school field!'  Thank goodness for that! Thought it might have been in there for weeks!

Much love everyone, I am back in the land of the living! Xx

Maternal Instincts in Print

As I'm sure a lot of my readers who follow my Facebook page know, I been working to turn my blogs into a book, featuring my blog posts as well as some other text never seen before.

Last week I took a leap of faith and put this information out there on the Maternal Instincts, as well as my own, Facebook page, with pictures of the front and back covers included and the question 'to publish or not to publish?'

I couldn't have predicted the response I would get from everyone, such lovely and positive comments including:

Go for it!
That's fab!
Brilliant idea!
and
Well you're a dark horse aren't you!

So here are the pictures of the front and back covers again (they are my proof copy hence the watermark), and apart from needing to amend a couple of typing errors, I am seriously impressed.

My plan is to make this live on Amazon UK in paperback and Kindle, in the near future, so watch this space! 

Thank you to everyone for their support.  This is something that is all mine (apart from the 1 story written by my daughter) and I appreciate every one of you who follows my Facebook page, presses like or share and leaves lovely comments. 

xx



Spring forward

So we had a lovely weekend and it really felt like spring had sprung and the world had woken up!

We had missed just walking around locally and going down to the sea, walking the zig zag path and the board walk and ending up on the harbour arm which is now open again and a lot more of the old platform is finished.

Easter is coming and although they're mentioning cold weather still, I don't care because I've always liked Easter. Not just for the chocolates! Its time with family, a break from work and maybe , just maybe, ditching the haggered winter jumpers! Fingers crossed!

So I may take a break from this whilst the kids are on holiday. Unless, of course, they provide me with some hysterical inspiration that I just can't ignore!!

Happy Easter everybody, may the chocolate be with you!! 😉💜

Moaning

So lately I've been struggling for inspiration a bit as 4-year-old is not providing a great deal to laugh about.  He's behaving like a stroppy 2-year-old a lot of the time.

His day starts with moaning because I won't let him rifle through the recycling bag during breakfast looking for another empty box he can make into a 'rocket!'
We then proceed with me repeating to him the need to eat something until I'm blue in the face.

By this point 7-year-old is up, fed, dressed, hair done and asking me tricky maths questions at 7.30am!

Ninja moves are then applied to 4-year-old to get him into school uniform!  Resulting in a lot of moaning from both him and me!

Moaning continues all the way to school, he hates phonics, he hates maths and anything that doesn't involve charging around outside getting as muddy as possible!

I enjoy my 6 hours to myself!!

When 3pm arrives, there's moaning that he can't run off by himself, moaning because whatever cardboard monstrosity he's made is falling to pieces as we fight the British winter weather walking back home, moaning because he can't have more than 1 'Freddo!' Moaning because he's got to take a bath, moaning because apparently I cooked the wrong dinner!

Ninja moves to get him into his pyjamas!

Moaning about having to read his school book, moaning because there can't be more than 300 bedtime stories!

Finishing up with me moaning because there's nothing good on TV!

Happy Monday everyone!! 🍷🍷🍷🍷🍷!!

A new pair of jeans

It's amazing how a new pair of jeans, or an old pair (but newly found 😉) can take you from feeling like you just can't 'adult' this week to feeling like you have the energy to take on the world!

This week involves many aspects of life and on a rainy Monday morning I couldn't see how I would ever make it to the weekend.  Then I got home from work to find a pair of jeans had been delivered which I had forgotten about, and I feel there may actually be a reason to get up tomorrow!

This was followed by this evening watching Reese Witherspoon on The One Show and realising she's over 40! Ok so she still looks like she's in her 20's and never seems to age but it gave me some comfort knowing I'm actually younger than someone who looks younger than me!

Happy Monday everyone, it's nearly done!!
Xx

We're all parents

I saw this article on Netmums earlier and it's inspired me to write a different blog post to normal.

https://www.netmums.com/support/mums-brilliant-response-to-woman-who-said-she-wasnt-a-real-parent

The above article relates to a mother who adpoted her child and was being criticised for not being a 'real mother.'
I'd like to take the 'giving birth doesn't always make you a parent' from a different angle.

I'm going to be brutally honest and say that when I had my 1st child, I found it incredibly difficult from the word go. I suffered from the 'baby blues' and every day just wanted to run away. This didn't last long thankfully but I found the whole motherhood thing a huge adjustment.

I've seen articles criticising c-sections basically making them look like the easy option.  They're most definitely not an easy option.

My first child was born by emergency c-section. They whisk you into theatre at a rate of knots, you're barely aware of the risks but you've scrawled your signature on the form anyway.  As I'm sure in a lot of cases, because they didn't know it would necessarily end this way, they've let you have something to eat at some point. So after going through rushed major abdominal surgery, I was of course very sick.  Therefore I couldn't hold my daughter immediately let alone attempt to feed her. As a result I'm convinced this is why the baby blues set in.

My 2nd child was born by elective c-section. A totally different experience. You get to meet the anaesthetist, surgeon and midwives who will  be with you in theatre. All the staff seem more relaxed. Everything's done in good time. You're fully aware of the risks and because you're going for major abdominal surgery you've not been allowed to eat anything for hours.

I held my son straight away.  And honestly, to this day (nearly 5 years later) I still maintain that my relationship with him is totally different to my relationship with my daughter. It doesn't mean I don't love her, of course I do, it just means my start to my motherhood journey was a bit shaky and this can have lasting affects.

Having a child, in WHATEVER way, DOES make you a parent. Motherhood is a major adjustment to your life, some of us don't take to it as easily as others.

A couple of my friends with young babies recently referred to me as a 'pro!' And although I see it as a compliment, I'd like to tell them that when their kids are nearly 8 and 5, both in school, and they're stood there holding someone else's baby, you too will feel like a pro because you've been able to sleep slightly better and drink a latte that morning in peace!!

Much love to all mothers, we're all doing great. xx💜

Half Term

Well I had a little break last week, not intentionally, but it was half term and I found myself quite busy being social. I'm quite glad we were booked up because these days, now the kids are both at school, they're just not used to spending all day in each other's company! Tug of war over EVERY toy!  4-year-old launching himself at 7-year-old when the only thing she's guilty of is trying to do something by herself for 5 minutes!

Somewhere mixed into the week was pancake day. That evening consists of me standing at the hob making pancakes for everyone else and eventually getting to eat the last one which by that point I'm no longer interested in!  7-year-old attempted to flip a pancake which she did really quite well.  And 4-year-old, as predicted, ended up with a mess of pancake and ice cream in a bowl, neither of which he actually ate!

And as for Valentine's Day when 2 kids are involved!!  We got each other cards and said we'd have takeaway for dinner.
By the evening, after a few hours with friends and their children on a mass half term play date, all children sugared up on muffins/doughnuts, safe to say both kids were going a bit bonkers! The film 'Valentines Day' was on TV so started trying to watch it but impossible to hear it over the sound of a 4-year-old and a 7-year-old hyena!!
By the time we get to ordering takeaway, I've got a 7-year-old on my lap, still laughing like a hyena, and a 4-year-old launching himself at us with a batman mask on and a plastic box on his head!
Who said romance is dead!

So safe to say I'm quite glad this minute to be sat with my coffee, writing this in peace!

Hope everyone had a good half term.
Xx

The daily inspiration

My husband said, on Sunday morning, that there's enough material in this house for a blog post every 5 minutes!

He wasn't wrong.

On this particular morning, the kids were going a bit bonkers, charging up and down and for some stupid reason I thought it would be sensible to let them have a biscuit each! So tell 7-year-old to get the biscuit tin, which she does whilst still charging around.  Of course, naturally, this results in her tripping over her brother and biscuits going  flying all over the carpet!

That evening, 7-year-old makes it a hat trick of sneaking up on me by appearing behind me in the dark in her brother's bedroom! She silently crept in and as I turn round I come face to face (as usual barely a millimetre between us) with a shorter version of myself just the whites of her eyes showing!!

And finally for this week, last night 7-year-old starts doing, what she calls (and insists is called) hair banging!! 😂 shaking her head (and hair) violently to the Ghostbusters theme tune!!

Xx

Natural progression

Well I've got to say 4-year-old has come a long way since starting school last September.  He's now drawing and colouring quite intricately, starting to read, but mostly his love in life is making many many many many many objects out of cardboard! Today's make is a Dragon apparently.

The school always ask for any boxes or empty bottles or anything the kids can use for art and crafts. I know if i send some in, my son will just bring it all back home!! We are basically hording everyone else's recycling!

The 'best' one was one Friday he come home clutching an empty fabric softener bottle that was apparently his 'rocket.' Only it didn't have a lid and all we could smell all weekend was 'summer breeze!'

When he's not crafting something, wasting sellotape and slopping glue everywhere he's drawing  and yesterday evening burst into the shower room, whilst I was in there, shouting because he couldn't reach his chalk that was in the middle of the dining table!

On another note, for those that remember 'Bob the Bug' you'll be pleased to know that he his not sounding quite so much like the 'bug*er he used to be!!'

Moving onto 7-year-old, sometimes I can't believe the brain power on one so small!  She completed 60 times tables in 90 seconds the other day! I just sat there staring at her in disbelief and awe!

She reads constantly, got in from work yesterday, she was already in her room reading, didn't see her for more than an hour until i called her for dinner. She'd read over 100 pages.

They say children's brains are sponges, they take it all in and learn so quickly, it' very true.

Xx

Happy Birthday to me!

So as I embark on my last 365 days of being a thirty something I wonder where did the time go? How did I get here?!!

This latte loving, mother of 2, school run, part timer wasn't always me!

How did I come to love the Saturday evening's at home, just the 4 of us, watching bad TV and talking absolute waffle!!

Call it old age but I actually like looking at the kitchen stuff in shops! There's a really nice apple pie tin in Sainsbury's!

I also feel, now I'm at this point/age that we're actually 'living' a bit more. Now the kids are both in school, they're that bit older, no toilet training, no changing bag and half the house each time you go out, no pushchair etc.

Having said that there's also a birthday downfall, partly due to having school age children, and partly the curse of a winter birthday is the certainty that someone WILL be ill on my birthday!

Take this year, I was rudely awoken at 5am by 7-year-old coughing, sat in with her for a bit, went back to bed but couldn't sleep as hubby had been poorly too so started wondering if I needed a 'plan b' for my birthday.  Then got up at 7 to sound of 4-year- old shouting  'MUMMY' at the top of his voice.

Spent the next 2 hours downstairs telling 4-year-old to 'be quiet' because his sister and daddy were still sleeping.

Decide to rearrange my plan for the day, meanwhile throwing my parents and brother into turmoil as they suddenly realise they're feeding an extra 3 people for Sunday lunch!

Get back home in the evening and continue to tell 4-year-old to be quiet as I really can't take any more!

7-year-old is now coughing almost continually.
Eventually when everyone else is in bed, I think I might get to watch something I like at least with a glass of wine - no of course not - have to keep running upstairs as 7-year-old is coughing or should I say barking, therefore not sleeping, and sipping the wine is actually making me cough more!

So I've not felt particularly celebratory this year but as above, there are good points, and it's certainly not the end of the world. Its just life.

Xx

In charge of a 7-year-old

My 7-year-old daughter is beautiful, kind, academic etc but sometimes......... well ........ ............. honestly I just don't know!!

Scenarios include:

1.  Walking through the front door to the sound of said daughter shouting 'who turned my bird off' is not a statement one often hears!  She was, of course, referring to her 'Little Live Pets bird' that she got for Christmas where if you switch it on it tweets away.  You can also record something and it repeats it back to you like a parrot.  So this little bird has been known to say many things including 'merry Christmas, happy new year' and 'who let the dogs out' as well as other song lyrics!

2.  I'm cooking dinner and in she strides announcing that if there is a child in the house under 5, and there's a fire, that we shouldn't call 999 but instead ring an 0800 number and book a free home safety check!!  I don't think she's read the fire safety leaflet from school quite correctly!!

3.  I'm in the bathroom for the obvious reason, upon leaving bathroom and opening door, I come literally face to face with daughter (I mean honestly there's barely a millimetre between us!) asking me if we need to keep a leaflet from the school advertising school holiday activities!! Seriously, how long had she been stood there, face pressed up against the door!!

And those who have read my blog from last week will know about the 'may the force be reduced' incident!!

Happy days 😂😂 xx

May the force be with you

So 4-year-old has recently discovered Star Wars. Got a Star Wars light saber, slippers, pyjamas, lunch box and back pack for Christmas.

However I'm not sure about 7-year-olds understanding of the subject!  The other day, 4-year-old was leaping around and playing with light saber whilst wearing nothing but a pair of pants and storm trooper slippers when 7-year-old leaps into the game holding a torch and shouting 'may the force be reduced!!' 😂😂

Yes, she actually thought that's what it was!!

Not sure me thinking it was the funniest thing I'd ever heard was particularly useful!

Anyway the phrase has now stuck and that's what she shouts every time she sees something Star Wars!

Also, you should never under estimate the power of a pair of storm trooper slippers! Since having the slippers they have worked as a form of bribery to get 4-year-old to take a bath, go to bed (wearing slippers, which were discarded as soon as he realised it wasn't very comfortable!) And get ready for school (obviously having to extract slippers from him to put on school shoes is a whole different argument!)

May the force be with you all today!! Xx

Happy new year

So a Happy New Year to everyone.

Has anyone made any new year's resolutions?  Call me pessimistic but personally I don't see the point!  I mean, it's worth it if you're planning on stopping smoking or something life changing but you've still got to really want it.  You've got to be mentally prepared, and personally I don't feel mentally prepared to stop buying lattes, start jogging or even go 'dry January!'

It's taken every ounce of mindful preparation this morning just to organise the kids into helping take the decorations down without any melt downs (from me that is!)  And given that it's raining, yet again, it's going to take some brain power to find something to amuse them this afternoon as well, without getting soaked through, and I don't feel I can accomplish that without a takeaway latte in one hand!

Yes, I got up yesterday morning, not hungover as we didn't party the night away the night before (we watched Harry Potter and were asleep by 11!), and carried on just being the same person I always am.  In case you hadn't gathered from the above, I will continue buying lattes, having the odd glass of wine, and definitely won't be jogging anywhere unless it's some sort of emergency!

So hopefully my regular posts will resume now, provided I get my usual daily inspiration from the small ones in 2018!

See you soon. xx